Thursday, July 31, 2008

going home

so eric, molly, and i are leaving today to go back to findlay. on our journey to ohio we are stopping in kenosha to see the bolton's. then we are back on our way. going to finlday leaves me with a lot of mixed emotions. sure it's the place i was born, raised, and married. it's also the place i buried my grandparents, brother, and watched my family get torn apart. so, it's not always a happy reunion to go back. i have an aunt who left findlay over 20 years ago, and she has never, and will never come back. it's funny because you have people like my dad who love it. he was born, raised, and will die there. then you have others who can't run fast enough from it. who knew small town america could be so scary? visits in the past i have to admit, mostly have been dreaded. now with molly, i am a little excited to take her to some favorite places. but she is so young, almost 1, wow! will she even remember?

eric and i had a chance to move back to findlay to work at a church. i am not kidding or being sarcastic when i say this, but i truly thank god on a daily basis we didn't move back. i think i would be an awful person to live with and be around. findlay had so many firsts for me, and so many lasts.

i wish it was a place that i was so pumped up to go to. i wish i had better memories there. the only good things that came out of findlay are my best friend adrienne, and my husband, eric. and all of the memories i have with them.

don't get me wrong. findlay is not an awful place, i have a lot of friends, and a pretty much all of my family there. they find it appealing. i think it's hard to see findlay as this wonderful, small town, full of republicans, and you don't have to lock your doors at night, once you move away from it. once we hit the signs on 75 that say findlay, my stomach turns a little. but you know i am trying to be more optimistic for this trip. we are going to be there for like 12 days. so i might as well make the best of it. ryan and karis are getting married, which i never thought would happen. eric is performing the wedding, and we all are matchy, matchy for it. that is exciting, to me :) and we are having molly's first birthday party there. so that is giving me something to look forward to. now that i have a kid, and am getting older (24, it's old) i want to have this part of me that gets excited to show my kids where mommy grew up, and where mommy and daddy got baptized, and got married. and i will always have, here is where uncle andy is buried.

so going home gives me mixed emotions, and i think it always will. but some things i have to look forward to in findlay:

1) archies

2) dietschs

3) hoonan gardens

4) george house

...and those might be it :)

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