Monday, July 21, 2008

missing andy

so about a week ago was the 10 year anniversary of my brother's death. for some reason this year, the tenth year really hit me hard. it was like the first year was monumental, and the tenth year was, and all of the other years just didn't count or something. my brother was 22 when he died, and i was 14. we were so different, yet so much alike. i knew my brother, obvioulsly, but it really wasn't until he died and the years following it, did i really get to know my brother, and what he was about. he was a kind, and gentle person. he genuinely cared about someone, not just what was on the outside, but he saw their soul. andy had this way to just calm a room full of anxious people down with just one simple hey. he used to call every saturday morning and when i would answer the phone he would say hey. i miss that. it took a long time to get used to not hearing his voice on saturday mornings.
sometimes i feel guilty because i have done so much more then my brother. i graduated college, got married, had my 1st job, had a kid, and got the heck out of findlay. i know he would of eventually done all of these things. especially moving out of findlay. then i think about all of the things he did do in his short, but meaningful 22 years of being alive. he impacted so many people, that my family is still hearing stories about him today. he has impacted me, and for that, i am forever grateful. sometimes i don't think of andy as my brother, but as some sort of legend. he had a way with words, vocally, and on paper. he knew what you were thinking, and he knew just what to say. i learned so much from him, and am still learning from him.
i get sad sometimes thinking about how molly will never meet him. sure i tell her stories about him, and show her pictures, but it's not the same to me. she will only ever know this photograph, but not the beautiful person inside of it.
i miss andy every day, and wish i could share a cup of coffee with him again.

1 comment:

becca's bits said...

kate,
what a beautiful blog about your brother. I'm sure his is proud of all of your accomplishments!! and molly WILL know andy... through YOU!!