Monday, May 4, 2009

Something From the Heart

So I am always thinking of a really cool story to blog about, or something really smart, and people will say, "wow, that chick is smart." But then when I start to really think about it, it kinda goes no where. Or at least no where cool. But I have had something on my heart for like 2 weeks now, and I have no clue where this post is going to go today, or if it will make sense, but I just have to write it, to get it out of my mind and put it in your heart.

I have been thinking a lot about Satan, and his lies he tells us. He is constantly whispering in my ear, and if you listen closely, he is in your ear too. There have been a couple of his lies that really stand out in my life right now, so please let me reveal them to you.

Lie #1- You need another baby...well we do want another baby, and trust me, I wish I already had another one, and maybe working on #3 right now, we just aren't in the position for another one. I am almost finished with grad school, and Eric is only a year into our new ministry. So I have been praying long and hard for contentment since about Molly's first birthday, I just want to be happy with our family of three right now. And trust me, I am. I love the 3 of us! We are a good team, and I relish all of the time I get to spend with Molly one-on-one. But deep, really deep down inside, I get jealous of other moms with 2 or 3 kids. I wish it was me, I wish I was the one feeling a baby move inside me. I am the one who loves to be pregnant, I don't care about stretch marks, and good thing because I have plenty! When I hear moms complain about pregnancy or their kids, I want to scream, give them to me! I want another one! Our neighbor is pregnant with her third and they live in a 2 bedroom apartment just like us, and they are totally fine with being cramped. I want to be cramped too! Well not really, but if it means a baby then hmmm....

Lie #2- You need a new house, new car, etc...This one is difficult for me because I feel like I am the guilty party. I love staying at home and I would live in an apartment for years to be able to stay at home. But when it comes to finances and houses, cars, etc...I feel like I am the one holding us back. I clearly make no money, and I am okay with that. I am giving Molly what I want to give her, a mom, at home day in and day out. But I still feel guilty deep down. This guilt goes beyond buying a house, when I hear Eric tell people we can't afford something, the guilt hits. Eric and I both love that I stay at home, but it does come with a price.

Lie #3-You need to be a better mom...So here's the deal, don't hate me-I love being a mom, but sometimes I don't like it! I love Molly, I would do ANYTHING for her (within moral reasoning), but sometimes I need a break, or I am going to lose it. I don't think enough moms say this, or even say it out loud. Sometimes I do feel like a bad mom because I snap at my precious girl, but I am human, and we all have our breaking points. But sometimes I feel like if I say this to my husband, then he may think I am crazy, shouldn't be at home all day, or more then likely I am being dramatic. Which sometimes I am dramatic, but I do need a break! Taking a break from being a mom sometimes makes me feel guilty. Like I should be spending every waking moment with her, or taking advantage of our time together before another little one comes along.

So here is what I have concluded and I am telling Satan, first off, take your lies and shove it. I am a child of God, and whom shall I fear? No one! Exodus 14:14 clearly states, "He will fight for you." So here I am, standing on the front lines, with God, and we are fighting off Satan's lies.

Second off, I need to build myself, and my family up, so we don't have any reason to believe Satan's lies. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Let me say it again with another verse, Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So here is my final conclusion, I believe these verses whole heartedly. I know God will bless us with another child, in his timing, not mine, I know we will eventually buy a house, in his timing, not ours, and the money will be there to do so. And lastly, I know I am a good mom. I know that Molly is a true blessing from God, all kids are, and I know that it is okay to say I need a break, and I shouldn't feel guilty for it.

So friends, I don't know what lies Satan is telling you today, but ignore them, put your trust, faith, and hope in the Almighty and stand a little taller, because today you are fighting in the Lord's army.


Unknown said...

True. How many things do we "think" we need but really don't?

Don't worry I get jealous of other moms too.

Tina said...

Very well written. I can relate to #2...the feeling a little guilty about not bringing money into the home, but we do bring much more than that. We bring security for our children. Would you agree?

Unknown said...

I totally agree that I love staying home, and it is what's best for our family right now. And Holly, I am jealous of your strength and courage!