Monday, June 14, 2010

My heart is aching...

Today my heart is aching for my poor little Billy cat.  He passed away on Saturday.  We are guessing it was a heart attack, since it all happened very suddenly.  He didn't make it on the drive to the Animal ER, I don't think he even made it out of the driveway.  So I drove the whole way sobbing and apologizing to him for all of the events that had taken place in the last couple minutes of his life.  I just feel terrible, but I honestly don't know what else we could do to help him.

I opted not to keep his ashes, instead we got a clay paw print.  Which the only funny side, well sort of funny thing is, it looks nothing like a cat paw print, it looks like a dog.  The paw print looks like there are nails on it, and our cat did not have claws or long nails.  So that made me smile a little, because this would happen to us.

Eric was gone at a golf outing and was not reachable the whole day, so thank the Lord, for real, I am thanking Him, my best friend, Carrie was able to come over and watch Molly for me and help me through this.  I am also thanking God that Molly was asleep the whole time this happened.  Which it all seriously happened within 15-20 minutes, then he was gone.

Eric and I have talked a lot about Billy and the ifs, should haves, maybes...and we both keep coming to same conclusion.  Deep down in my gut I honestly believed Billy would bounce back once we moved.  His past record has shown this would happen.  If I ever thought for one second that anything was wrong with him, we would have had him at the vet in a minute.  He actually got a little bit better last week, thank you all for your prayers and kind words.  But then it just went downhill on Saturday morning.

I think if we would have taken to him to the vet, they probably would have found something wrong with him, and we probably would have had to put him to sleep, which would just be awful too.  So, not that I am glad he went the way he did, but at least I didn't have to make the decision to put him down.  Both ways are awful, not going to lie.

I never wanted him to suffer, and I am not sure he did.  By the end he was so out of it and not responsive to me.  Poor baby.  I loved him so much, anyone that knows me knows how much Billy meant to me.  He was like my first baby, and I miss him so much.

Molly is taking it pretty well.  She has only asked about him a couple of times, and seems to get it, but then who knows.  I know she will wonder someday who that cat was she remembers.  But until then we will look at pictures and share memories of her Bubby.

On a totally different note, we are all moved in to our house, and we are unpacking everything.  The move went wonderful!  We had over 20 people help us move, and everyone did a great job!  So thank you all!!

Right now we don't have internet, we are getting it this week, but who knows when.  So I know I am way behind on everyone's life.  I will get around to you all, no worries.  Thank you all again so much for the prayers and encouraging words.  They mean the world to me, and I am so thankful for all of you!!


Kristin said...


I am so, so sorry about Billy. I can't imagine how scary it must have been to go through that with him so suddenly. I am so glad it all worked out that Molly was asleep and your friend could come over. I will keep praying for you!!!

I am glad you had so much help moving and got all moved in! I've missed talking to you....hope everything else is going well! Love ya! Sending a big hug your way........

{:miss v:} said...

I'm so sorry Kate. That is so weird you just posted this this morning because my mom just called at told me that one of her friends called this morning in tears because she thinks she may have to put her doggie down. It's so sad.

I'll be praying for you. It's just awful to lose a pet because they are like part of the family. I bet the memories you'll have will be sweet ones to remember forever.

Glad to hear the move went well. We're moving this week as well...I'm not looking forward to it. I'll miss my home.

Hope you have a better week!

Steph T. said...

Kate...I am so sorry you had to go thru this. When we put our dog asleep last year it just broke our hearts. I will be praying for you. These animals find their way into our hearts...:)

April said...

SO sorry Kate. That kitty definitely meant a great deal to you. He was such a big cat!

God spared you from having to make the decision of what was best for Billy and he decided for you. I know how much more difficult that would have been if Molly were awake, so I also thank God for his timing.


Unknown said...

Oh Kate. (((hug))) I'm so sorry to hear that Billy passed away. You always talked so fond of him and no doubt he was a cherished member of the family!

I'm glad the move went well and you had lots of help.

He & Me + 3 said...

Oh Kate,
I am so sorry for your loss. Our doggie is having leg issues right now and we are scared to take her to the vet for that same reason.
It is hard to lose a pet.

the Spocks said...

I am so sorry you lost you cat. It was most likely best that Molly was asleep.

Jenilee said...

aw, sorry about your cat. :( what a sweet picture you posted of you guys with him though! precious

Alison said...

I am so, so sorry about your sweet Billy! I lost my cat, Sugar, (who I had for 18 years) 3 days before my wedding...and I just cried and cried. I totally "get it" sad for ya'll!

Veronica said...

I'm so sorry Kate. Losing a member of the family is never easy. I'll be praying for you guys.

Glad you guys are all moved in. That must feel really good!

Barclay Kathryn said...

Oh I'm so sorry. My heart is just breaking, our pets are just like our babies, no need to feel silly about it!

Kari said...

I've been thinking about you this week. My heart is sad for you and that you had to say goodbye to Billy. You're right - I wish Jerry would have gone on his own - making the decision to put him to sleep was the hardest decision and I just kept apologizing to him for doing it, even though I knew he would only be in pain if I didn't make that decision. To this day I still tell him I'm sorry - that the one person he trusted most made the decision to say goodbye (sigh, i'm crying as I write this). May this transition be peaceful for you. I know it won't be easy, but may His peace and grace help you at this time.

My love to you, Eric, Molly and Billy.

ps...we got a paw print too. We also kept his ashes in a silver and gold urn. It is short and squatty like Jerry and it had gold paw prints on it - and he always left his paw prints on my clean, hardwood floor. It fit him perfect :o)

Because of Love said...

Oh Kate, I'm sorry. I know it is hard to lose a pet. It will be hard for awhile (especially when Molly asks about him) but just think of the good memories.