Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A New Schedule

If you all knew me in real life, some of you have that fabulous privilege, ha...well then you would know that I HATE change, any kind of change- good or bad.  I love having a schedule, being 100% predictable, knowing what is going to happen, you get the point.  Having a baby totally changed my predictability factor and actually helped me chill out a bit.  I still love having a schedule, but a flexible one at that. 

This week starts my "new schedule" with being a mommy, wife, children's minister, counselor, and human being.  A lot has been happening behind the scenes at The Ridge (our church) and so let me fill you in a little.  In February we hired a student minister, Tyler, one of the best things ever.  Up until then Eric was "running" the student ministry.  Let me just say student ministry is not my passion.  I love kids, I love students, I love being predicatble and serious.  I know BORING!  But I just am.  So small groups I totally rock at with kids, but large, fun, get hit in the face with a football tends to stress me out.  Sorry for the train derailment there...so Tyler comes on board and Eric now is back to Neighborhood Groups and teaching once a month, sometimes more. 

As the next few months progress, I realize...I am not a good children's minister.  Please don't fill the comment section up with "oh yes you are"  "I am sure you do a great job."  As much as I want to hear that, please don't feed the animal known as my ego.  I can do some things well, but I can't do a whole lot with excellence.  So begins the humbling experience known as "a little trip to the desert on your spiritual journey." 

I am not going to lie, the past few months have been something I have never struggled with before, I can't begin to explain or describe my thoughts and feelings, my realtionships, my time with God.  Plus, that would be more like a book, not a quick blog post.  So needless to say after some wandering, questioning, wanting to quit everything, doing whatever I could to just get through Sundays...Tyler is now taking over the Elementary Ministry.  Hallelujah!  Trust me, this is a good thing.  I know 100% with my whole heart it could be better, and I also know I am not the one who is going to make it better.  Maybe Tyler isn't either, but right now, he is going to try. 

I hate feeling like a failure, or a quitter, and I know deep down, I am not quitting this, I am handing it off to make it better for the kids who come to The Ridge on Sunday mornings.  They deserve something better, something more exciting, something that I just can't give them.  And that's okay.  Well, I am learning, that's okay.

I am still overseeing the Nursery and Pre-school area, which are my true passions, and I have so many creative ideas for those areas that I can't wait to get all hammered out for this Fall.  Plus, my counseling clients have picked up, and right now I have enough on my plate.

So now our new schedule looks like this...Mondays- I work all day, and I mean all day!  My last client is at 6:30, which means I leave the office after 7:30pm and hopefully make it home by 8pm.  I usually roll into the office at 8:30am, so it's a long one.  Tuesdays- I work all day, and then Wednesday-Saturday- I get to be a wife and mom first, then children's minister second, and Sundays- well those days are just crazy anyways!

Eric is staying home with Molly one day a week, and she is still going to to babysitter's, but only one day a week now.  Handing some responsibility over means handing some money back.  So my salary decreased, but it's worth not having extra stress and not beating myself up every Sunday after church.  Plus, I get to spend more time at home and being with Molly, and everntually Lucy.  I am sure our schedule will change again once Lucy is born, but for now, I have some boring predicability going in my life, and that's a good thing. 

5 comments:

Sarah Robbins said...

No ego feeding, but I thought you might like this blog post I read yesterday. You were sharing your concerns, and it instantly made me think of the comfort I found when reading this:

http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/do-your-best

Hang in there- God loves the heart of a servant more than the heart of a perfectionist.

Kristin said...

I think Sarah is right. You stepped up when asked and I know God is so proud of you. It was what your church needed at the time and that's what being a servant is all about. You are following the spirit's leading and He is saying it's okay to hand it off now and focus on your family. They won't stay little for long, trust me!! No matter how much we want to be, we don't all have passions for every single thing. It's all about the church coming together with your individual passions to make the whole something great and it sounds like that is exactly what your church is doing.

I knew we were BFF's for a reason. The way you described yourself, about wanting a plan and being serious....that is SO me! I am serious pretty much all the time, unless I'm home with my girls. It's just who I am and I think that's okay!

I think God is just helping you get things in order in a manageable way for when Lucy gets here. He doesn't want us to be stressed over serving Him. I hope you love your new schedule and that it makes things much more enjoyable for you!!

Holly said...

I hope with your new schedule you'll feel less stressed. I like having a schedule too and knowing what's going to happen most of the time. I actually think it's great you are only in charge of the nursery and preschool. You'll be able to focus more on just it and do a better job and that benefits everyone. So I'm glad Tyler stepped up and took over elementary for you and I hope that he makes it into something really neat and cool for the kids.

He & Me + 3 said...

I had this long comment written out and then shut the window before it published. Ugh.
Your schedule is crazy. Glad that you will have more time at home with molly and feel less stressed. Monday's are so long you are right.

April said...

I am glad that if you are able to find a more comfort level for you, being at home first, childs minister second. That can be hard work and if you arwent driven by shear passion, it would more difficult.

Hope you enjoy ur new schedule! Don't worry, molly will make it more unpredictable thank you think ;)