Thursday, December 23, 2010

Lucy means light...

*Disclaimer...This is one of those posts that has been on my heart for a couple of days now, and I have no clue where this will go, but I have to get it out*

Monday, December 21, 2009 I found out I was pregnant.  I stopped on my way to work to by a test, and took it right when I got there.  Up until that point I never really trusted my instincts, but for some reason I was convinced that I was pregnant.  I didn't want to believe it, since I had seen that negative sign so many times before, but I took the test believing it would be positive.  I didn't tell anyone at work, which was really hard for me to do.  Later on in the day I went home so Eric could go into the office and work a little bit before I had to go back for some counseling appointments.  On my way back to the office I stopped at the Hallmark store and bought Eric a "Willow Tree" figurine of a dad holding a baby, and I was so excited to give it to him.  Sitting through those counseling sessions was so hard to do, not that I didn't care, but that night I just wanted to get home to share the wonderful news.  We had been trying for a while, so I couldn't wait to tell Eric we were finally successful :) 

Of course when I gave him the gift he totally guessed it before even opening the present.  I am awful at surprises because I get too excited and the other person can totally tell that I "hiding" something.  We went back to Ohio for the holidays and shared our wonderful news with everyone.  We were so happy.

Less than a month later we lost the baby.  You all know what we went through.  It was hard.  I then entered into a winter season of my life.  Everything was dark, cold, distant, and it was tough.  Then we found out we were expecting again.  I was cautiously thrilled.  We didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, and it wasn't until after our 20 week ultra sound that I truly allowed myself to love this little one.  I was always fearing the worst and preparing for something awful to happen.  Clearly I trusted the world more than I trusted God.

When trying to decide what to name our new baby one day sitting on the couch the name Lucy came to me.  Literally out of nowhere, it just came to me.  Not Lucille, not Lyla-which we once liked so much, just Lucy.  I texted Eric "what about Lucy?"  He texted back "sure."  It was set, she was to be named Lucy.  Then a couple weeks later out of curiosity I looked up the meaning of Lucy online.  It means "light."  At first I was a little disappointed because that meaning seemed boring to me, too simple maybe.  Then after thinking about it, and God hitting me over the head, it occurred to me that Lucy is my light, she is my olive branch, she is my rainbow, she is every sign that God needs to give me that he didn't forget about me, he didn't forget my pain, and he always provides for our needs.  He is the light. 

So one year later at Christmas time having a baby makes me think of Mary and baby Jesus that much more.  I feel overwhelmingly thankful, grateful, blessed, undeserving, and just in plain awe of God's plan.  Lucy has truly brought light into my life.  I am out of my winter season and I think I am moving into spring.  I know God has big plans for our family of 4 and for my little light, Lucy.  

 

10 comments:

Jenilee said...

beautiful... I think the meaning of her name is perfect! Merry Christmas to your family of 4!

Because of Love said...

I am suppose to be running out the door right now to go to our Christmas services (you know how that is!) but I had to stop and write that I love that! It made me tear up. I know exactly what you went through and I love that Lucy was your light. I have a little light of my own... Praise God for his blessings.
Lots of love to you!
Now I have to check my eye makeup and run to get out of here before I am even later.

Kristin said...

Oh my goodness.....sitting here with tears in my eyes! I am just so happy for you, Kate! God is so amazing! You have the most precious family and I hope that you all have the best Christmas!! Love ya lots!!

Stephanie said...

Thank you so much for sharing - such a beautiful truth wrapped up in one "simple" name. May you be continually reminded, especially this Christmas, of the most precious gift we were given at Christmas - the Light of the world. Merry Christmas!

Julie said...

God does have a plan. I am SO happy that God blessed you with Lucy.

I certainly understand how you felt. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. When I got pregnant with Trevor a few months later, I was scared the entire pregnancy. And he was definitely meant to be a part of our family. :)

Lauren said...

beautiful post! I am so thankful that the Lord saw fit to bless you with "light" shortly after such a tragic loss. Sometimes He is just extra merciful like that and it always makes me praise Him! :) You are so blessed and this is sure to be a wonderful Christmas!!! :)

Jennifer @ Studio JRU said...

What a wonderful story behind such a beautiful little girl and her name. I am so happy for you Kate. Merry Christmas! ♥

Veronica said...

Oh how I love this post! It touches me to the core.

Praise the Lord for sending you your sweet Lucy! We dont' always know the reasons for why things happen as they do but what we do know is that God is always there!

Rejoicing with you over the blessing that is now your family of four! Merry Christmas, Kate!

Holly said...

She is a precious little light! It must have come from God since it came so out of the blue to you. Lucy and Lainey have similar meanings then because Lainey means bright, shining light. :) And I think we can both agree they are the light of our lives!

Steph T. said...

OH sweet Kate...love hearing these words of restoration from you. God always brings clarity to our lives & brings us out of the darkness into the light. That is so cool that Lucy means light..love that!!