Now I am about to do something I never, ever in a million years thought I would do...
In the book Lysa shared her weight at the beginning of her journey, and now I am sharing mine, gasp...156 pounds. I know for some of you this number might be the "oh my word, I would never let myself get that big" and for others it might be your goal weight. For me it says..."stop the train, you need a change." Now, I have never been that skinny girl, I probably never will be and I totally accepted that years ago, but I want to be that healthy girl. I don't want to get out of breath going up the stairs, I want to keep up with my girls in the backyard, and I want to feel good about myself, darn it. So after having baby #2, and gaining close to 40 pounds I would say with Lucy...and after I stopped nursing...I figured my body would be getting back to what would be my starting weight. At least this time the number was a little lower than what I started at with Molly. But still, it's not my ideal weight, or my first goal weight. So two weeks ago I weighed myself on Monday morning and 156 showed up on our scale. I prayed it was wrong and weighed myself again, and again, because who doesn't do that?! So I accepted it and started getting my butt in gear.
My first goal is 140 pounds. That was what I weighed when I graduated college and got married, and I pretty much have weighed that since I was in High School, I will go up and down, but I never, even in college got over 140. High School and college, the good old days of activity...you know Eric and I used to run for fun in college. Everyday we ran like 6 miles, sickening, right :) But that was our time together everyday. Time we laughed, talked, prayed, and were silent. I miss those times. And I miss my toned body. Contrary to public opinion, my college years were the best I have ever felt about myself. Like truly, 100%, loved that I was active, and ate decently. At least my exercising leveled the eating! Anyways, I got married and in our first year I put on 25 pounds...I know, right. I ate like Eric did, but I stopped working out, stopped activity all together. Then I got pregnant, gained more weight because I believed the myth of eating for two, I think I ate for 30, ha! Then ministry got tough, so both Eric and I ate and ate. Then we moved here, and we both joined the gym and lost weight. I got back to 140, a little less toned this time, but started feeling good about myself. Then I got pregnant, had a miscarriage, then got pregnant with Lucy, then gained about 40 pounds. Now I have a spare tire around the center, and Lord knows what is going on with my thighs, and everything else! But this time around I am inviting God on my journey. When I lost 25 pounds after I had Molly and got back to my "ideal weight" I felt good about myself but I got vain. I am sure it seems silly to get to vain about 140 pounds, but I did. I am not going to lie, I enjoyed the comments from people at church telling me how good I looked and wow, did you lose more weight, nope, but thank you! So this time around I put a ton of pressure on myself to lose it all quickly because I wanted to hear those comments again. I wanted people to be like, wow that chick has it all together, when really I don't! Who am I fooling?! But these are the thoughts that ran through my head. So I think God is allowing this weight to stick around a little longer and in places that I really don't like to show me who really is in control of this journey.
So this time around, God is my work out partner, God is my friend I call when I really want to eat a pan, I mean, just one brownie. God is going to be my strength when I have no physical strength left. This time around is going to be different. And I am reassured of that because the first week I started getting healthy, being healthy I lost 4 pounds, hello, 4 pounds!! Last week, I got cocky and left God out and I lost nothing! Now I don't want to get into a whole conversation about God withholding blessings, does he, does he not, blah, blah...and I know some of it was mother nature factors playing into last week, you know what I mean ladies ;) So who really knows why I stayed the same, but I do know that I am relying on God through weight lost, gained, or maintained.
I also started doing the Biggest Loser on the Wii, and I really like it. I can't wait to get outside and breathe in some fresh air, but for now I like doing it, and I am going to continue to do it. I LOVE the Biggest Loser TV show, usually I eat while I watch it, isn't that bad?! So you can pick your trainer on the game, and I am trying to work out in the mornings, like 6am, gag me, but I am trying! So I picked Bob, because lets be honest I can not handle Jillian yelling at me at 6am. And I all I have to say is I don't know how those people work out all day in the gym with Bob and Jillian. The only thing that keeps me from screaming while doing it is the rest of the family is still asleep, but trust me I am screaming and saying some other things on the inside! Bob always says stuff like, "you hear me?" or "stick with me, don't quit now" or my fave "c'mon overweight lovers!" So yes, Bob, I hear ya, I am not quitting, and I don't want to be an overweight lover any more!!
Speaking of food, look who has joined us at the table...
Happy Monday and continue your journey whatever it might be, and remember you always have a companion, God, He is right there with you every step of the way! Be blessed!