The deal is I should have never weighed myself last week after being sick, that put a huge sense of false hope in my head this past week that I could reach my goal when I weighed myself this morning. I typically weigh myself once a week, Monday morning right after I wake up. And that's it, I don't do it again the rest of the week. But last week I wanted to see how I was doing and see how close I was to reaching 140 pounds. I already had the title of my post ready to use today when I saw that number on the scale, I was happily rejoicing until I saw the number that appeared. What?! I wasn't losing anything all week, I actually gained weight?! What the what?! I was pretty much devastated, so at this point you would think one would get more motivated and kick it in gear, nope, for me I sabotage. I am really good at ruining things that are going well. So I sabotaged myself at first with jelly beans. How bad could jelly beans be for you, I mean they were fruit flavored, sheesh. So two night in a row of those, not good, plus my stomach hurt so bad. Then I would do okay, make healthy choices, then Friday we ate lunch at Qdoba, and I normally get something semi-healthy there, well nope, I totally ate the huge burrito, every single bite of it. It was good, I am not going to lie. So I told myself I am not going to eat dinner tonight, because I can't even imagine how many calories I consumed at lunch, seriously, I can't bring myself to look it up because I will be even more disgusted with myself. I did okay until about 8:30, then Eric and I made a frozen pizza to eat. Well, Eric ended up meeting with some guys that night and left me home alone with that pizza. It was not pretty.
Saturday was okay because I knew what we were going to eat on Mother's Day, so I knew I had to be good and I was. Sunday, a different story. We ate at a cute little malt shop downtown and I had a juicy, delicious cheeseburger, it was good. Then for dinner we had steaks, potatoes, and salad. And then we topped it off with ice-cream. Did I mention that I had mine in a waffle cone, again, it was good. I love food, I just do. I have learned if it's around I will eat it, and I will eat it until it is gone. So I just don't have crap around, well I try not to at least, because I know what I will do, and it won't be good.
Last week I went to the gym 3 times and it felt good. Last Monday I ran 2 miles on the track. I did pretty good I think for literally not running in over a year. I mean literally, it's been awhile! I ran 2 miles in 22 minutes. I felt awesome. On Wednesday I ran two miles again, this time I did it in 20 minutes, booyah. Then Thursday I did the elliptical and it was good. Friday we walked around the botanical gardens and all the in between time I was working around the house, so I wasn't totally sluggish for the week. But the problem with working out is I justify making poor choices when it comes to eating. I tell myself, "I worked out, I ran, I can totally eat this." And I really can't, I have to run because I eat crap. So it's this cycle, again.
In all of this I am trying to be thankful for this body that God gave me, because really I don't need one more thing to be down about. Parenting a 3 year old right now is enough to send me to the funny farm and question everything about myself. Funny how much power a little kid can have over your psyche. So with my head hung in shame I will share this...
Starting Weight: 156 lbs
Week 9: 145 lbs
2 pound gain from last week
So I am getting serious again about all of this...Eric and I talked about how we know we have been slacking lately and our meal planning has not been stellar. So back to the grindstone today. I want to reach my goal in time for our anniversary on the 28th. So I have a little over 3 weeks to lose 5 pounds. And then maintain it...but that's a whole different journey.