Monday, May 9, 2011

Week 9 and Reality Check

Today begins Week 9 of this journey of getting healthy for me.  And let me say last week was a really, really hard week for me not just trying to eat healthy, be healthy, but I felt like in almost every aspect of my life and all that stress and my emotions led me back down a path I know too well, lets just say I practiced emotional eating at its finest ladies and gentlemen.  I ate those feelings, felt guilty, and then ate them again.  I knew every single time what I was doing was wrong, but I had 100 reasons why I should be able to do it.  And I think I ate all of those 100 reasons.

The deal is I should have never weighed myself last week after being sick, that put a huge sense of false hope in my head this past week that I could reach my goal when I weighed myself this morning.  I typically weigh myself once a week, Monday morning right after I wake up.  And that's it, I don't do it again the rest of the week.  But last week I wanted to see how I was doing and see how close I was to reaching 140 pounds.  I already had the title of my post ready to use today when I saw that number on the scale, I was happily rejoicing until I saw the number that appeared.  What?!  I wasn't losing anything all week, I actually gained weight?!  What the what?!  I was pretty much devastated, so at this point you would think one would get more motivated and kick it in gear, nope, for me I sabotage.  I am really good at ruining things that are going well.  So I sabotaged myself at first with jelly beans.  How bad could jelly beans be for you, I mean they were fruit flavored, sheesh.  So two night in a row of those, not good, plus my stomach hurt so bad.  Then I would do okay, make healthy choices, then Friday we ate lunch at Qdoba, and I normally get something semi-healthy there, well nope, I totally ate the huge burrito, every single bite of it.  It was good, I am not going to lie.  So I told myself I am not going to eat dinner tonight, because I can't even imagine how many calories I consumed at lunch, seriously, I can't bring myself to look it up because I will be even more disgusted with myself.  I did okay until about 8:30, then Eric and I made a frozen pizza to eat.  Well, Eric ended up meeting with some guys that night and left me home alone with that pizza.  It was not pretty.

Saturday was okay because I knew what we were going to eat on Mother's Day, so I knew I had to be good and I was.  Sunday, a different story.  We ate at a cute little malt shop downtown and I had a juicy, delicious cheeseburger, it was good.  Then for dinner we had steaks, potatoes, and salad.  And then we topped it off with ice-cream.  Did I mention that I had mine in a waffle cone, again, it was good.  I love food, I just do.  I have learned if it's around I will eat it, and I will eat it until it is gone.  So I just don't have crap around, well I try not to at least, because I know what I will do, and it won't be good.

Last week I went to the gym 3 times and it felt good.  Last Monday I ran 2 miles on the track.  I did pretty good I think for literally not running in over a year.  I mean literally, it's been awhile!  I ran 2 miles in 22 minutes.  I felt awesome.  On Wednesday I ran two miles again, this time I did it in 20 minutes, booyah.  Then Thursday I did the elliptical and it was good.  Friday we walked around the botanical gardens and all the in between time I was working around the house, so I wasn't totally sluggish for the week.  But the problem with working out is I justify making poor choices when it comes to eating.  I tell myself, "I worked out, I ran, I can totally eat this."  And I really can't, I have to run because I eat crap.  So it's this cycle, again.

In all of this I am trying to be thankful for this body that God gave me, because really I don't need one more thing to be down about.  Parenting a 3 year old right now is enough to send me to the funny farm and question everything about myself.  Funny how much power a little kid can have over your psyche.  So with my head hung in shame I will share this...
  {Weigh In}
Starting Weight: 156 lbs
Week 9: 145 lbs
2 pound gain from last week
So I am getting serious again about all of this...Eric and I talked about how we know we have been slacking lately and our meal planning has not been stellar.  So back to the grindstone today.  I want to reach my goal in time for our anniversary on the 28th.  So I have a little over 3 weeks to lose 5 pounds.  And then maintain it...but that's a whole different journey.


Kristin said...

I can relate so much to this cycle of wanting to eat right, but giving in. But you know what? The important thing is to not give up and get back to eating right again. It's when we totally give up because we're so down on ourselves that we really are defeated. You haven't given up and you will meet your goal! You're doing great, so try not to be hard on yourself!! You can do it!!! :)

Anonymous said...

i am so proud of you for sharing all of this. you are inspiring! and my copy of this book just came in the mail :) i totally agree-parenting those 3yo's is totally enough to make you question everything about try not to get too down about that number on the scale on top of it! don't beat yourself up about last week, just look ahead and push on! you can do it! (and you look great! :)

Veronica said...

Kate, I just want you to know that reading about your weight loss journey has inspired me to make some changes. I have way more to lose weight wise than you and it's a long road ahead. I've been an emotional eater for as long as I can remember and over the last few months with the house stuff and all, I've eaten away my worry, my anxiousness, my everything. Just last week I decided I needed to ask the Lord to help me start somewhere. I really felt Him with me when I got some bad news and I immediately thought, I need a soda and something sweet!

It's been a week with no soda, chips, crackers and a drastic reduction in the sweets dept and I've lost 5 pounds! I just need to keep it up now.

Thanks for sharing what you've been going through. I can relate to so much of it. You are doing so good. Keep it up!!!

KimberlyMDavis said...

Good luck this week!! Its tough, but I know you can do it!!

Unknown said...

I know it's so tough to eat the right things! I struggle with that all the time and I usually end up making the poor choice. I'm w/ Veronica. Reading about your weight loss journey really makes me want to jump on the bandwagon. Not necessarily to lose weight but to get in shape and be healthy. Thanks!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

Oh, dear I can relate. I finally got my final Made to Crave post up on Thursday, after a bout of flu. Then Blogger deleted it along with the comments. I reposted because I still had the email notification sent to my inbox from the previous post. Anyway...I am finished with the book, Made to Crave. But the journey has just begun. I think it may be a lifelong thing...although I expect some victory along the way. I have had many eating ups and downs lately too. And, the emotional eating...aye, aye, aye. A lot of difficult emotions have been bubbling up and it's very hard not to stuff some food at them. I have fallen a few times...mightily. But, I'm determined to keep getting back up again. Let's not let a little sabatoge keep us down, girl. We can do this. Praying for you...know you're not alone. =)