Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Dear Jesus, You are wrecking me...

*Caution-as you can tell by the title Jesus is wrecking me, in a good way.  So this post may be a little spotty, and disorganized at best, but wanted to share with others who might also be getting wrecked...*

Last August, Eric went on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic.  He had an awesome time meeting the people our church sponsors there, working on the building projects, and bonding with his team from church.  Since returning Eric has not shared a whole lot about the trip, I hear occasional stories, I saw pictures and videos, and sometimes he brings up how good the food was.  While Eric was gone on the mission trip I was mentally preparing myself for him to come home and start tossing all our earthly possessions because it sickened him how much we had.  I was trying to figure out what I could part with, what the girls could go without, and maybe that he would want to sell the house. 

Well, none of that really happened.  Since his return we have had a lot of conversations about our stuff, we have given away a lot, thrown a lot away, and we plan on having a rummage sale in the Spring.  So although we don't talk daily about our stuff, I think about it constantly.  Now, not to get way off topic or defend myself here, but I do think comparatively speaking, especially to people in the Dominican, heck yes, we have a lot of stuff.  But compared to others and most our age, and most with kids, we probably rank in about average.  Do I have things and clothes I don't use all the time, yes, but I am starting to part with those. 

Come the holidays and we decide we are going to give gifts that matter, gifts with purpose, and just pear down all together.  By Christmas I was so sick of stuff.  I am very grateful and super thankful for gifts and the sentiments behind them, but again, I felt this dirty feeling when I looked around our house, or my closet.  I just want to purge all the time- purge our stuff, I hate throwing up :)

Now enter this book...
My mom introduced me to it.  I love Jen Hatmaker, really I do.  I have done all her bible study books and I truly love how when you read her words you feel like you are talking to your best friend.  She is sweet, sassy, and totally honest in her writing.  Jen and her husband, Brandon, are in the ministry, so I have learned a lot from her, too.  I got the book and started reading it, I couldn't put it down.  I dreamed about the book, I dreamt about the ideas, and the whole point of the book at night, I would lay awake at night and think about how to apply all of this to my life.  I felt wrecked by this book. 

Then on Monday, Leading and Loving It launched their virtual "Just One" conference. 

It was awesome as always, but again, I felt totally wrecked by the speakers.  Everything they talked about was convicting, but in a great way.

Now I am about to embark on this...
My mom has read it, and has warned me, "don't read it unless you are willing to change your life."  "You will be convicted."  And from all the millions of tweets I have read about it, I am totally getting wrecked again.  But I am excited.

I guess to sum it all up, I have had this stirring inside me, something I still can not put my finger on, or give a name to it.  I am sensing a change, and for me I hate change.  I am sensing a shift in the way I view and do ministry.  I am sensing something bigger than me being in the works, and I am trying to hold on so when the ride starts I am ready.  I am in awe of people who have such a strong relationship with God, that I am craving that.  One of the things that I have been feeling convicted about is, is not even feeling convicted.  Things just slide right off me like no problem.  How sad is that...I should feel worse or feel something, but sometimes I just don't.  But I am beginning to.  Change is scary, especially when you don't know what it is that is going to change.  But that is all part of the wrecking process.  I need to be stripped down to the bare minimum to be built back up stronger than ever.

Dear Jesus, you are wrecking me, and I love every minute of it...

6 comments:

Kristin said...

Oh I loved this post! I will be excited to hear about what god does with all of this :) I will have to check out those books. I miss reading a good book that allows god to speak to me.

Lauren said...

love this! just finished 7 and thought it was great! :) Got a lot of great ideas!

avolkers said...

So awesome Kate! Thank you for being so open and sharing. I have been wanting a good challenging book, from the sounds of it I think I'll have to check them out!

Jenny said...

Kate,
I am definitely reading these books. Since we've started packing up our house, I've noticed that I don't need anything we've packed up. This week I have had moments of just wanting each of us to choose our 3 favorite things and just getting rid of everything else. I'm totally feeling you on this!

Holly said...

i know darn well we have an excess of things. right now im slowly going thru the house getting rid of stuff.

those all sound like good books!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

So with you on the stuff. And, I laughed out loud at your purging sentence...I hate throwing up, too. ;) With all my hate.