For those of you that didn't read my post yesterday, about 6 weeks ago I officially resigned from my position as the Director of Early Childhood at our church. I took the job about 2 1/2 years ago. Although my resignation happened 6 weeks ago, my heart has been stirring for awhile now.
Back in December another pastor's wife asked me while we were eating lunch together, "how long do you see yourself doing your job?" I instantly chimed in with "as long as they will let me!" Then God said, welp, time to mess you up! Well, he probably didn't put it that way, but that is what's been happening in my life, I am messed up.
Let me just put this out there for you all, I by no way was forced out of my job, I was not going to get fired for anything, no one was or is mad at me, my resignation came straight from a direct act of obedience to God. I love parts of my job. I think we all, working, staying at home, we all have things we don't like about our "jobs." And for me it was coming to a realization that God did not gift me with all the talents and qualifications for my job. Certain things about the job stressed me out, like terribly. So I felt like a hamster running in a wheel at times, and other times I felt like I was living the dream. The challenges of both Eric and I working for the same place also seemed to weigh heavy on us. We have no family here to take the girls for us, and we have some great "almost like" families up here, but a lot of them had to be at the same meetings as us. So that part was stressful. Which usually if one of us had to miss something it was me. Which honestly, I didn't mind, but it still stunk, you know.
So God really began to wreck me, I know I have mentioned it before in my posts, but really, I am a wreck. I am more emotional then I have ever been before in my life, and trust me, I am about the most emotional person you will ever meet. I may not cry in front of you, but I am a true bleeding heart. I feel more for people then they probably feel for themselves! So God has been opening my eyes to a lot of things. I see our ministry differently, too. In a good way, in a way that makes me want to change some of the things we are doing now, how we reach and connect to people, how we are making a difference in our community, and in our own neighborhood.
At the beginning of the wrecking process I read a tweet from Matthew Barnett's book..."your dreams need to die in order for God's to take root." At first I was like that's nice, move on...but I can't, I can't move on, the Spirit keeps bringing it back to me.
So I would love to say that I have things all planned and thought out. I don't! I have never, like never ever left a job without a plan, or something else set up. This time I have got nothing! I am scared out of my mind. But I also know the same God that told me to go, will also bring me something to go towards.
So that's all for this post...I didn't want to overwhelm you all, or spill my guts in one BIG post! Tomorrow I will tell you how I am really doing...