Saturday, July 21, 2012

It's A Wrap

Another week has come to a close and soon another week will start.  But the coming week is an exciting one in the Ferguson house...we are taking our first official family vacation.  We are going to a lake cottage that a very generous family is letting us borrow for the week.  We leave Monday, you know when the high here is supposed to be 103 degrees!  I guess the lake will feel good that day!  So we are busy doing laundry, packing, playing, and enjoying all today will bring and all the past week has brought us.

Yesterday when we got up I was shocked and saddened to see the news.  I can't even imagine being in a dark movie theater when someone opens fire on you.  Helpless does not even seem to begin to describe their feelings.  I went to college with one of the injured in the theater, Lucas Smith.  Luc and his wife, Heather, were there seeing the premier, he was shot 8 times.  The bullets are all in his upper leg, where they will remain.  The doctors decided it would do more harm then good to take them out, so he will have a permanent physical reminder everyday of his life.  Please pray for him, and his wife, and for all the other victims and families.  I am just so saddened and heart broken for this whole situation. 

Molly is really getting into music now.  Well, she has always loved music and dancing, but now she is interested in learning the words and actually singing along to the music.  She knows all the words to all the songs they sing at church, and she knows some other songs, but we are looking for some more fun kids cd's for her to sing along to.  So if you have any suggestions let me know, Molly's birthday is coming up quick, and I thought she would love some new music when she turns 5!

I feel like summer is coming to a close quickly.  We actually on Molly's birthday for her school pictures and form drop off, but school doesn't start till Sept. 4.  I got most of her school supplies yesterday.  I never thought I would be that mom to buy them so early, but the sales were good, and we got some stuff for our Operation Christmas Child boxes, too.  Molly actually doesn't need that much for kindergarten, now first grade next year, whoa!  She does need a public library card, so I think we are going to go on her birthday and get her one.  Molly loves the library, so that will be super exciting for her.

Lucy is fighting some gross cold or allergies, or both.  Poor kid is one snotty mess, and she is a little grumpy.  Hopefully some nice lake water helps her next week, ha!  She will be fine once grandma and papa get here.  Both girls will be so excited to see them, Eric and I will be, too!

Tomorrow I am attempting to run 7 miles.  I haven't been able to break the 6 to 7 mile barrier yet.  Tomorrow is the day.  Eric is going to drop me off at a trail and I am going to run home.  I have no choice but to run home.  I am nervous, excited, and scared I am going to get lost!  The trail splits at some points, so as long as I keep bearing towards the left Eric tells me I will make it home.  I have never been on this trail before, so pray I don't get lost!    

I think that's it, that's all, that's a wrap!


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Genuine...

Yesterday while going through a Bible study one of the questions was about the characters in the story we were learning about and after reading all about them list one word to describe them.  This question intrigued me because I have clearly never met Mary and Martha {the ones I am learning about} so it was hard to describe them from what I just read.  Maybe Martha felt misunderstood, or Mary felt like she came off lazy.  It all came down to those one words I chose for them.

Then I thought about the question personally.  What is one word that someone would use to describe me, or better yet, how would I describe myself to a stranger in one word.  And the word that keeps popping in my head is genuine.  Here is one of the definitions Webster's Dictionary uses to define genuine: sincerely and honestly felt or experienced genuine love>.

For me being genuine comes natural, I know no other way to be.  My genuineness goes both ways, too.  Whether good, bad, happy, sad, up, down, you will know and see it all.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and my emotions on my face.  Sometimes it's a blessing to be so genuine...people tend to like realness, not fakeness.  But it's also a curse in some ways...people sometimes don't know how to handle so much openness and I am still working on boundaries.  Sometimes I am known as an over sharer.  I try not to, but I can't help it that within in the first 10 minutes of meeting me you will know my life story, my birth stories, all about my faith, and how terrible I am at cleaning.  

I try not to overwhelm people, I really just want to encourage people to be themselves, and to share their stories.  It's amazing once someone shares something with you, you almost look at them in a different way.  It's like you gain a new respect for them and what they are going through, or went through.

What's one word you would use to describe yourself? 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Inspired to Action

First I would like to thank you all for the emails, texts, messages, etc on the anniversary of Andy's death.  Each one meant so much to me, so thank you.

One thing that has been weighing heavily on me the last couple months is getting inspired to actually change.  I have the greatest of intentions, I could win an Olympic medal with the good intentions I have, but I have really bad follow through.  I will get an idea for a craft, go buy all the stuff, get home and it sits, or I start and then it sits.  Same goes for getting healthy, getting organized, etc.  I start out of the gate really well, then about the first 20 yards I slow down, and by the end, I am not even on the track anymore.  I have totally wandered off the path.  So 2012 was going to be the year I stopped sucking.

Again, great intentions...I made my list of goals, got going with some, and then busyness hit, then resigning from my job hit, you name it, it happened.  Now I feel like I am getting back on track with ambitions and dreams, and everyday life.  Depression is a real struggle for me.  I have shared that numerous times before.  It's super easy for me to get down, and stay down.  I still am able to semi function during the down times.  People tend to think of me as introverted, or quiet, not depressed.  But depression effects everyone differently.  For me it is withdrawal, less ambition, a messy house, lots of snapping at the kids, etc.  Now all of you are going to think you are depressed, ha!  But truly, those are some signs for me personally.  Anyways...what I have come to learn, and it's about time, is that when the wind of inspiration blows, go with it.  Follow it wherever it leads and never let go.  Sure, I may get off track, but eventually the wind will pick back up and take me with it again.

The winds of inspiration blew earlier this year when I decided to run a half marathon...I am not sure why on earth I followed that wind...I have never.ever.never done anything like this!  I hardly exercised to begin with let alone running!  But I went with it, it's taken me to some new places, I have had conversations about running with people I really have nothing else in common with, but it's opened doors to other conversations because we share in running, but running has also taken me low.  I have a bum knee...and I still don't know if I will run in this half, but I am going to try, I take it day by day, or as us runners say, run by run.  Yea, I don't really talk that way!

Another way the wind is blowing is with this blog.  I am inspired to change some stuff up.  Don't worry you will still be able to come here and see funny pictures of my kids, laugh at my mishaps, and share in my sassy-ness and messy-ness I call life.  But it's going to look a little different pretty soon and I am really excited to share that with you.

But until then get inspired friends.  Even if it's just for a little bit, or for one project, go with the wind.  One thing that helps me tremendously to feel inspired is to read what others are doing...so go on with your blog updates, Facebook statuses, and instagram pictures...inspire others, and get inspired yourself.

Monday, July 16, 2012

A 14 Year Reflection

July 15, 1998, 8:11am was my brother's last recorded breath, 8:12am, pronounced dead.  Dead...This stuff didn't happen to people like us, we are good church going people, I love Jesus and surely he was going to heal and save my brother.  Well, life's not a fairy tale and neither is this story.  That was 14 years ago, when I was 14 years old.

Yesterday marked not only the anniversary of my brother passing away, but the fact that I have lived half my life without him.  Something 14 years ago I was scared of.  I have often said I feel guilty or too blessed to experience the many things I have and that my brother never did.  He was only 22, a senior in college, a great man, a soul filled man.  Seriously, you could look into his eyes and see his heart, he was so wise beyond his years, and so compassionate, loving, never judged, and just a truly genuine person.  We knew this as his family, but the many, many visitors that came to the hospital during those days proved all of those things about Andy.  We had hardly met half the people that filled the waiting room each and every day.  They were all there because Andy had touched their life in some way, and they wanted to repay it by touching ours.

The last 14 years have been a roller coaster.  I have had many highs, many lows, and many just steady rides.  I have graduated high school, college, grad school, got married, had 3 pregnancies, given birth twice, worked different jobs, helped people, loved people, and have been hurt by people.  Nothing ever prepares you to survive without a sibling.  Nothing prepares you for the battle you will do with grief.  Grief is a funny thing, most think it's something you go through and are done with, but truthfully it goes everywhere with you.  Sometimes grief shows up, and sometimes it leaves you alone.  Most times you think you are fine and then out of nowhere you get sucker punched with some feelings you haven't felt in a long time.  You never get over grief, never.

I put on Facebook yesterday that the last 14 years have been about surviving, and honestly, they have been.  I have never lost a sibling before, I feel like I am still learning how to survive.  But I also put on Facebook that I intend for the next 14 years to about thriving.  I want to take advantage of every opportunity given to me, because I know my brother was not afforded the same privileges.  Andy truly was not someone that took things for granted, he never used anyone, he was always thankful and full of joy when something new was on the horizon.  I want to do the same, I want to consciously make the choice each day to be thankful, grateful, and joyful for the chances I have.  I also want to experience some new things that Andy never did, I know he would be proud of me for trying.

You never get over a loss, you just learn new survival skills.  I will always miss my brother, oh, I miss him terribly.  But I do have a peace that surpasses all understanding, even mine!  God has been gracious to me in my grief, and I know he will continue to be.  Life won't ever be the same, and right now I am okay with that.   
    

Monday, July 9, 2012

Miscellany Monday

Today I am back from an unexpected vacation from blogland...I only know that because I got the inevitable text from my mom saying "it's time to update your blog!"  Which is funny since we talk almost daily!

I feel like summer has been flying by...we go August 8th for school pictures and form drop off day, wow, and that is Molly's 5th birthday, too! 

Here is what we have been up to...

-We are finally getting a break from a horrendous heat wave, like seriously y'all...hot, hot, hot!  We broke records and made our poor air conditioners work on overdrive.  I know it's summer and it gets hot, I get that, but this year was unusually hot!  And it's only the beginning of July...please Lord have mercy on us in August!

- The 4th of July was another hot day for us!  The girls and I started the day out by attending our little village's parade.  I thought hardly anyone would be there, boy was I wrong!  There were tons of people!  It was fun and hot, and Lucy got her first sucker!  She loved every lick of that thing!  The girls wore matching dresses that my friend, Rachel made for them.  They looked so cute, I know I am biased, but really, look at them!




- After attending our village's parade, we left to go walk in one.  Our church always participates in a 4th of July, but this year we walked in a different parade then years past.  Our church is in the process of buying a Wal-Mart building in the same area where we meet right now at the high school.  So we decided to walk in that town's parade.  When we got back in the car after the parade the temperature on my phone read 108 degrees!  Our girls did awesome during the parade!  Lucy rode in the stroller and slept for most of it, but Molly walked the whole thing and passed out candy.  She did so good and we were so proud of her!  Eric had to drive the car that had all the goodies we passed out, so I was on my own with the girls.

- Later on in the day my dad and step-mom, Denise, came to visit.  We surprised the girls with their visit.  Molly was so funny, I think she said something like "what are you doing here?!"  They stayed until Friday morning.  It was such a good visit, and Friday was my dad's birthday, so I am glad we could spend some of the day together.

- We watched the fireworks on Wednesday night...Molly loved them, Lucy not so much.  We sat a lot closer this year, and Lucy was not a fan of the noise, plus she was exhausted from both parades, and the heat.  Not a good combo!  Luckily we drove 2 cars, so Eric left with her right after they started.  Molly was amazed by all of the colors and noises.

- We got a new car, well new to us.  The car Eric and I use as our go to work car needs some help.  We were very thankful for it, and it's been good to us, but it's getting a little too high maintenance for us, and the A/C went out.  So it can be a sweaty ride to work!  Our family ride is still doing great, which we are truly thankful for.  So Eric has been looking, looking some more, and going around testing and talking to lots of people.  Then he found one, hallelujah!  We bought it off a really nice guy, and he took care of this car like a fine piece of china.  Hopefully we can do the same!

- We leave in 2 weeks for vacation, another hallelujah!  We are borrowing a friend's lake cottage for a week, and my in-laws are coming with us.  I am so ready to get away for a week.  Plus, our kids are like fishes in the water, so they are both going to enjoy swimming all day and probably night, too!

- Pretty much life has been good, God has continually amazed me by his blessings, and provision.  We are trying to take advantage of every opportunity we have with the girls.  I am excited for Molly to start school, but also sad because it's like so final.  Once she is in school, she's in!  So I am trying to make sure we do lots of fun and out of the ordinary things this summer.
Have a great Monday!