Today I am linking up to a new series called "Parent 'Hood." It's hosted by a bunch of different blogs whose authors write about the ups, downs, joys, heartaches and all that in between we call parenthood. Go here for more info! For the kick-off of this new link up they challenged us to re-post something we have already written about. Which was really hard for me to pick one, well really even find one that didn't randomly ramble on about my kids or our crazy life, ha! The one I did pick was originally posted on Dec. 23, 2010. So little Lucy was only a couple weeks old! Now she is almost 2, craziness?! So welcome if you are here for the first time, and enjoy for a second time if you are a regular!
Monday, December 21, 2009 I found out I was pregnant. I stopped on my way to work to by a test, and took it right when I got there. Up until that point I never really trusted my instincts, but for some reason I was convinced that I was pregnant. I didn't want to believe it, since I had seen that negative sign so many times before, but I took the test believing it would be positive. I didn't tell anyone at work, which was really hard for me to do. Later on in the day I went home so Eric could go into the office and work a little bit before I had to go back for some counseling appointments. On my way back to the office I stopped at the Hallmark store and bought Eric a "Willow Tree" figurine of a dad holding a baby, and I was so excited to give it to him. Sitting through those counseling sessions was so hard to do, not that I didn't care, but that night I just wanted to get home to share the wonderful news. We had been trying for a while, so I couldn't wait to tell Eric we were finally successful :)
Of course when I gave him the gift he totally guessed it before even opening the present. I am awful at surprises because I get too excited and the other person can totally tell that I am "hiding" something. We went back to Ohio for the holidays and shared our wonderful news with everyone. We were so happy.
Less than a month later we lost the baby. You all know what we went through. It was hard. I then entered into a winter season of my life. Everything was dark, cold, distant, and it was tough. Then we found out we were expecting again. I was cautiously thrilled. We didn't tell anyone until 12 weeks, and it wasn't until after our 20 week ultra sound that I truly allowed myself to love this little one. I was always fearing the worst and preparing for something awful to happen. Clearly I trusted the world more than I trusted God.
When trying to decide what to name our new baby one day sitting on the couch the name Lucy came to me. Literally out of nowhere, it just came to me. Not Lucille, not Lyla-which we once liked so much, just Lucy. I texted Eric "what about Lucy?" He texted back "sure." It was set, she was to be named Lucy. Then a couple weeks later out of curiosity I looked up the meaning of Lucy online. It means "light." At first I was a little disappointed because that meaning seemed boring to me, too simple maybe. Then after thinking about it, and God hitting me over the head, it occurred to me that Lucy is my light, she is my olive branch, she is my rainbow, she is every sign that God needs to give me that he didn't forget about me, he didn't forget my pain, and he always provides for our needs. He is the light.
So one year later at Christmas time having a baby makes me think of Mary and baby Jesus that much more. I feel overwhelmingly thankful, grateful, blessed, undeserving, and just in plain awe of God's plan. Lucy has truly brought light into my life. I am out of my winter season and I think I am moving into spring. I know God has big plans for our family of 4 and for my little light, Lucy.