Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Camping Out

I went on a camping trip last week, just me by myself.  I brought my tent and found my campsite, it was simply entitled "Negativity."  I drove my stakes for my tent down deep and decided I was staying for a while.  I had all I needed with me; depression, poor attitude, and a pessimistic outlook that could even sour the sourest of people.  Yep, I was camping alone, and I liked it. 

Then I received some text messages from a great friend who didn't know I was camping.  She was so nice, and truly caring about our life and what was going on.  One text said "But again...the stories you'll have to tell!  Write down all the little stuff God shows you and reveals to you.."

I replied back with sarcasm, like I normally do, and we chatted a little longer, and then I spent the night camping out again, but this time I couldn't sleep in my comfy tent, I couldn't get warm by the fire, I couldn't stop thinking about her text.  My normal reaction was don't worry, I will write down how much life sucks right now, how hard this church planting thing truly is, and how hard it is to homeschool a child who asks daily when she is going to attend a real school.  I will write those down and bury them in a time capsule to relish over in 20 years.

Can I be honest and digress for a minute.  In the last 90 days I have moved out of my house, lived with friends, left a 6 year ministry, moved back to my hometown and now find myself living with my in-laws.  And to top it off, I hate change.  I hit the Negative Nelly button long before I hit the Positive Polly button, if I ever hit that button.  So staying happy and rejoicing in the Lord is hard for me.

Why on earth would we do this?  Why on earth am I putting myself through this?  I keep coming back to obedience, friends.  We are obeying the calling God has placed on our lives.  I know we are, I know in my achy bones we are being obedient.  But obedience is hard, staying filled with joy despite the circumstances is hard, and living in my tent on my campsite would be really easy.

I went back and re-read the book I just finished reading "Being OK With Where You Are."  Let me tell you, I am not ok with where we are {not geographical, I LOVE my in-laws}, I hate waiting and learning new lessons.  But I do know if I write down what I am learning or what my frustrations are like my friend encouraged me to, then I will see how God was truly at work in my stubborn heart.

I have admitted to God I am not ok with where I am at in life, trust me, he has heard me loud and clear.  He knows my desires, he knows my heart, he knows I am chomping at the bit to move to Toledo and get this church off the ground.  He knows I am drying up without community and relationships, but he also knows what is best for me, and that promise, I just have to trust.  He has promised me good and not evil, he takes care of the birds, he will surely take care of me.

So as of yesterday I packed up my campsite, I left the land of negativity, and I am headed for greener pastures where I feel the Lord pruning me and pruning me some more.  I am trying my darnedest to be joy filled, and to praise the Lord no matter what, but I am human and I fail, a lot.  But if I just listen, God has provided me with cheerleaders who motivate and encourage me more than they will ever know {thanks Laura!}.   So while I may not be ok with where we are, God surely is. 

Today I am linking up with Stacey...go check out all the other links too!



Tiffany said...

Hey! I totally get it. Right now, my family is going through a transition that quite frankly, I don't really want to go through. I would much rather have things the way they are. However, this part of our Story, the one I am fighting so much, will be used for His glory but only if I allow it. Praying for you during this time. I hate change too! But I love that you chose to let God prune you. Praying for you!

Stacey Thacker said...

Ahh, pruning. Sigh.

"It is not for nothing."

I promise!

Praying for you!