Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Living In Grace {Day 8}

Day 8
After my heart check yesterday I was trying to figure out what my struggle with grace truly is.  I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that as emotional as I am, I am also really logical.  Like my kids getting vaccines when they were babies, I never cried.  Call me heartless, I call it logical.  I know the shots are a temporary pain for them and no, it wasn't pleasant watching them be surprised with a stick in the leg, but I knew it was for the best.   

Being logical stinks when you are trying to comprehend grace.  I grew up going to church, like if the door was open, I was there.  As much as that experience shaped my life, I think at times it also did me no favors.  I was taught to follow the rules, obey, do what God asks, and I also was taught there was nothing I could do to make God not love me.  Both of those are hard tensions to wrestle with. 

I get grace, I get what I read about it, I get what it means on paper, but I still struggle with what it means in my heart, in my soul.  I am a complacent grace receiver.  I know it's always there, and I know I receive it, but it doesn't radically change my life on a daily basis.  I often don't recognize the role grace plays in my life, in my marriage, in my kids lives, and in my spiritual journey.

I don't think my way of thinking will change over night, it's something I have to chose to readjust on a  daily basis, but I am working on it. 

Today I have been earnestly focusing on why I need grace, and why God gives me grace. 

Anyone else struggle with this?

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