Friday, January 24, 2014

3/30


Clearly the whole blog for 30 days in a row is too much for me, ha!  Well, one day behind, that's all!

Today I was thinking about what has been one big change that I have made in the last 10 years.  Apart from graduating college, getting married, having kids, etc.  The one thing I could think of is my health.  Maybe it's because right now Eric and I are going through the T25 workout program so that's always on my mind, or maybe it's because it's still January and people are still talking about resolutions, healthy eating, and exercising.  I am not sure what the influence is, but I would say I have radically changed/am changing my mind set towards food and exercise.

I have never been skinny, or small.  I am short, but not tiny.  My thighs have always been bigger than my belly, I am your classic pear shape.  I have a hard time finding pants that fit in the legs because they are normally way too big in the waist, and sometimes I am too short for regular but too tall for petite.  This is one main reason why I love dresses and skirts.  I was an active kid, I played sports, rode my bike everywhere, and tried as I got older to be healthy.  My weight has never fluctuated a ton.  I am for the most part the same as I was in middle school, high school, and college.

Once I got to college I tried to stay active.  I played soccer, and would go running with Eric.  We mostly ran because we were poor college kids, and he needed to stay in shape for soccer.  However, running through the Smokey Mountains was not a bad way to spend time together.  My junior year of college was the best I had ever felt about myself physically.  I seriously will never forget those feelings.

Eric and I married the next Spring and right before our one year anniversary I realized I had gained 25 pounds.  What the what?!  We were getting ready to go to Hawaii and I was mortified.  Not that I was going to be prancing around in a bathing suit, but still, 25 pounds?!  Nothing had really changed after getting married, or had it.  I realized I ate the same thing Eric did (portion size), we had ice-cream every single night before we went to bed, we ate bread with dinner all the time, and I never exercised.  Hmmm...and I wondered why I gained weight.

I decided I wanted to lose the weight, especially after seeing pictures from Hawaii, oh goodness, they were not pretty.  Then summer hit, Eric was a youth minister so obviously those were busy months, I ate some more, and some more, tried to exercise, but could never make it through, or stick with a plan.  Around Thanksgiving I was feeling terrible about myself.  Then I found out I was pregnant with Molly.       

So much for losing any of that unwanted weight.  So instead I took the saying "eating for two" literally.  I ate and ate.  I weighed over 200 pounds when I had Molly.  All that weight looked really cute on my 5'4" frame.

I will say it did not help being pregnant in the dead heat of the summer, and I retained water like a whale the last 2 weeks or so of pregnancy.  But regardless, I was the one that chose to overeat my entire pregnancy.

After I had Molly, Eric and I moved to WI, and then we joined a gym.  Let me please say this, I hate gyms.  I just do.  I don't care how fancy, how nice, how this, or how that, I really do not like them.  I did not grow up in a health club going family, so I carry a weight of self consciousness around the whole time I am inside a gym.  Now, the gym we belonged to was very nice, and the child care workers and child care area is truly what made our decision to join.  I put off going for probably about the first month or so.  I was nursing Molly so I would use her as my excuse.  Then one day Eric pushed me out the door to go.  I was terrified going alone, but I did it.  The first time I went I got on the elliptical.  It seemed safe enough.  I got on and started going, and I thought I was going to die.  I only lasted 10 minutes.  I got off, got my coat and went home.  I was so embarrassed, and honestly, I was disappointed in myself.  What happened to this former runner?  Where did the natural athlete go?  Good grief, what happened to me?! 

All of that was in the Fall of 2007.  Literally from 2007 to now, it has been a battle.  Food and exercise are my nemesis'.  I love to eat, yet I also yearn to be healthy and active.  I know with my body I need to exercise to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  So that's sorta what I have been doing.  I would work out so I could eat.  I justified my eating with my workouts.  When I signed up for my half marathon I thought "oh good, I will run a lot and I am going to lose a ton of weight!"  Because for me it's still about the scale most days.  Well, I lost 4 pounds, but went from a size 10 to a size 6.  Although I was terribly disappointed to not weigh less, I was happy to be buying smaller size pants.

My mind still has a hard time wrapping around the idea that food is fuel for your body, so feed it well.  I still desire to eat crap.  But the more I stay away from it and eat it occasionally, the more I realize it makes me feel terrible.  I hardly eat deep fried because it's not worth it for me to feel the way it makes me feel afterward.  But I love sweets and candies.  I don't steer as clear from those as I should.

I want to run another half marathon this year, and I do want to beat my time from 2012.  But I want to train in a totally different way.  I want my body to not just be able to run, but feel strong doing it.  With every passing mile I don't want to wish the race away, I want to feel stronger and like I won't die.  I also want to be leaner and meaner, just kidding, I am mean enough.  But truthfully, I would love to tighten up my less than steel abs, and not have my legs flap together so much when I walk.    

So to sum my up my 10 year life lesson...
-Every day is a choice, chose wisely, even if you are choosing meal by meal.
-If it's not in your house, you won't eat it...this one is really hard for me!
-Get moving...find something that works for you, and grab a partner if you can.  {As for me I like doing workout programs at home, and running outside.  I can't say I will never join a gym again, I do enjoy working on different machines, but right now we can not afford it, so I try and do what I can at home.}

I am no health expert, I am very, very novice at it all.  I have the knowledge, I just need to the will power to put it all together.  I know bad habits are harder to break when they have been there for a long time.  Trust me, I am trying to break mine all of the time.

For my 30's I really do hope that I see food as fuel and and not so much a reward or just another meal.  It's hard changing your mind set and not justifying everything you put in your mouth.  I look forward to running another half marathon as a leaner, fitter 30 year old.  :)      


 

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Get it, girl! If anyone can do it...it's you! I'm all about making my thirties amazing, so you know I'm here to cheer you on the whole way! :)