Today I wrote in my journal that I needed to "just keep calm and enjoy the ride." What ride you ask...well life, but more specifically this ride that has me going back to school. In the words of my wise father "what, 2 degrees aren't enough?" I guess not.
I am embarking on going back to school to become an elementary teacher. I have always wanted to be a teacher, like always. From playing school, to decorating fake bulletin boards, to geeking out over school supplies every year, to now. The desire to teach and be with kids has never left me. So why didn't I just go to school to be a teacher when I graduated high school- great question. At the time counseling seemed more appealing? I honestly do not know this answer. I do not regret counseling at all, I met awesome people through the program in college, and all my counseling experience over the last 6 plus years leaves me smiling, shaking my head at times, but truly smiling.
I have lots of fears going back to school. Like a lot. What will happen to our family time, am I too old (I know 31 isn't that old), how much work will it be, financially (oh my word this causes me anxiety), and what if I mess up, what if it's harder than I thought. The list goes on and on.
But I am also excited to go back to school. New opportunities, new chances to learn, new people to meet, new experiences, and ultimately I want my girls to know you are never too old to achieve a dream. I can go on and still have a good 30 years of teaching once I am finished with school.
Often times in life I just want to hurry it up. I want to get from point A to point B and not stop to smell the flowers along the way. If Jesus' only reason to come to earth to die for us was truly the only reason for his existence why would he spend 33 years meeting and discipling people. Wouldn't he just want to get it over with? People say all the time it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. And for this organized Type A personality the journey is often the hardest. While journeying you are committing yourself to possibly heartbreaks, disappointments, frustrations, feeling lonely, wanting to quit. Whereas if you just hurry it up and get there already you miss out on healing, joy, peace, excitement, and new experiences.
Trust me, I usually just want to get there already, but right now I am forcing myself to enjoy the ride. I have to force myself to slow down, and trust that God has me on the path that he wants me to be on. I have to fully rely on him because if not I would control every single bend and fold in the path. Right now my hands are tied on moving any further in the program. We are waiting on one last piece of paper to arrive and nothing can happen until that gets in the hands of the right people. And trust me, it is killing me to wait! But I am also learning in His time, not mine, and it's hard.
The journey can be long and draining, yet so rewarding and fruitful.
Trust in the with all your heart