Today is the last school day before spring break, all teachers, staff, and parents say AMEN. Even if you don't have big plans for break I think we all can agree the break from routine and signing assignment books is a welcomed one. Our weather has been awful. We get rain, clouds, snow, more rain, more snow, more clouds...so spring break feels like it has taken forever to finally arrive. And our forecast for break is a cold one, but at least we can stay indoors and have a movie marathon or something.
Have you been following the Today Show and all their parenting blogs, on air spots, and what nots? I admittedly have not read most of the articles, okay, okay, I only read Jen Hatmaker's posts for the website. It's really got me thinking. Parenting is so hard, and so tiring, and so fill in the blank. And yet parenting is worth it, and so rewarding, and fulfilling. Last night we were out with friends eating dinner and we brought the girls, and I am not going to lie, there were numerous times throughout dinner I thought to myself; "why didn't we get a sitter?!" I know I am not alone. And even though it was painful for me to watch them with their less than stellar manners, I am sure our friends were clueless that our kids were breaking every rule and warning I gave them in the car and on the way into the restaurant.
Parenting is sacred work. It really is. My faith has had to grow along with my parenting. There are some days I literally pray to God, please shut their mouths, please wash a sense of drowsiness over them, dear Lord, I can not be the nice mom anymore! Then there are times when they don't realize I am watching them and I thank God for their kind hearts, their ability to include others and share. A huge sense of gratitude floods my heart, then one of my kids will look over and say; "Are you crying? Why are you crying?"
Sometimes when I go to bed exhausted at night because Molly has had another round of anxiety overcome her, or Lucy has decided she is going to exert her strong will until she is blue in the face, I wonder what my kids will remember. Will they remember the times we scrapped plans and went and did something fun, or will they remember me for constantly nit-picking their messes, or loosing my cool every Sunday morning before church. Will they know I would walk all over the world for them, or lay down my life for them.
I pray my kids look back some day and think wow, we were loved really well. Eric and I try our best, we fail a lot, a lot. We are learning every single day what a parent is, how a parent acts, and what parents do. I wish I had some magical book or potion to make life all better, to take away the hurts I unintentionally cause my kids, or my husband. But I don't.
What I do have is each new day to show love to my kids and husband, and to let them know through my words and actions how much they mean to me. How truly grateful I am for them.
I often have to remind myself that God gave me Molly and Lucy for a reason, I was made to be their mom, I am the one for the job. It's through that great faith in me, I place great faith in God to help me raise these girls.
I used to be the perfect parent, before I had kids, I knew exactly what I would do in every situation that arose, and how my kids were not going to act like those kids, and my kids would do this and not that. Wasn't I cute at one time? Oh my...now I have the loud kids, the tough and rumble kids, the not always polite kids, those kids. But those kids I have also love with an intensity like no other, and are loyal, kind, and have good hearts. And those are the best kids to have.